I SEE DEPRESSION: SIDEWAYS
When I was 22, I discovered I was grappling with major clinical depression. Coming from my particular background, it took me some time to grapple with the concept and accepted it, but the realization of its profound impact eluded me. Now, a decade later, my eyes have opened, revealing that I've only been aware of the tip of the iceberg in this ongoing battle.
Through years of therapy and soul-searching, I've unraveled the threads of depression that first gripped me at the tender age of 5 or 6. It was a tumultuous period marked by significant life changes that turned my little world upside down, leaving it permanently altered.
As I stand today, I can't confidently declare that I've reached the other side of this journey. However, I've adopted a day-by-day approach, navigating the complexities of my experiences with newfound awareness.
“Sideways part 2” 24x24in by Melissa Jo.
This piece of artwork that I have created title “Sideways” delves into that transformative journey, drawing inspiration from the song "Sideways" by Carlos Santana and Citizen Cope. While the song's tone is dark, its lyrics and musicality weave a tapestry of beauty from the ashes of despair. The song so perfectly describes the feeling of having intrusive thoughts, feelings, emotions, that won’t just go away. The lyrics are:
You know it ain't easy for these thoughts here to leave me
There are no words to describe it In French or in English
'Cause diamonds they fade, and flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you that these feelings won't go away, They've been knockin' me sideways
They've been knockin' me out lately, Whenever you come around me
These feelings won't go away, They've been knockin' me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that time will take them away
The lyrics to this song perfectly express the deep and persistent struggle that I have grappled with. I shows the sense of being overwhelmed or haunted by certain emotions. The mention of diamonds fading and flowers blooming shows the transient nature of material things compared to the enduring nature of these emotions. The lines "They've been knockin' me sideways, They've been knockin' me out lately" convey the sense I have experienced of being emotionally affected or thrown off balance by the intensity of depression. The singer acknowledgment that time has not yet lessened the impact of these emotions, despite a hope or wish that they might eventually fade away tells a story of hope that I constantly have found myself repeating at different points in my life.
In the face of depression, empathy becomes the bridge that connects us all. I believe that the song “Sideways” was a bridge to my soul. My artwork is an acknowledgment—a way of saying, "I see you," to others. It's a snapshot of my ongoing battle with depression and an invitation for others to share in the collective experience.
With each day, I move forward, seeking solace in the process and finding strength in the acknowledgment that, despite the shadows, I am not alone. There are brighter days, and there is beauty in your ashes.
I see you,
